The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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