No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
