They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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