I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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