I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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