Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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