Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
