see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
