Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize