I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
