in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
