Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize