is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
