The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
