i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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