Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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