I will die if light touches me.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
