***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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