Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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