census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
