He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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