That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
