Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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