hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
