I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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