maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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