Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
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