I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
