Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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