do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
