You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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