margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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