Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
