please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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