We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
