I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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