Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
