you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
