I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
