Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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