she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
