We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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