WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
