Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
