I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you didnt know i had herpes?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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