He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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