I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
