office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
