Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
operation have a gay friend backfired
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
