im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
