I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
