Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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