How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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