So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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