He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
