Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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