it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
