his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
