Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Randomize
