i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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