My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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