Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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