I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize