sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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