Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
