Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
