I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
