btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize