I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
That was an excessively violent trivia night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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