all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
