So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Randomize
