I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
