just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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