I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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